they're married now. It seems like such a long time since this morning, and even
longer since yesterday and last week is well nigh unimaginable. But the passed
time is not lost in a fog of incomprehension or insinsibility, it's gone... now
where has it gone? I'm not sure. Lost in love perhaps. And believe me not the
silly insubstantial all blown to the head sort of love. no, the sort of love
that carves out a life, one life, together out of what was two. the sort of
love that leaves no doubt that the bride will not only be at the church when
things are beautiful and centered around them, but will also be there when
times get rough and every little things seems to ge going cross-wise to them.
the sort of love that leaves no doubt taht the groom will devote himself to
her, mind, body and soul, not only when she is the most lovely radiant creature
to walk the face of the earth, but when she is tired, worried and stressed. the
sort of love i see in their parents, so different from each other in so many
many ways, but similar in all of the important ones.
i was witness today to the beginning of a life so beautiful that even now, hours
after i was to draw out words to toast the event, i am still without any i feel
could be sufficient. i am left to say again, it is only the beginning.

A man needs a little madness, or else he never dares cut the rope and be free.
-Nikos Kazantzakis, writer (1883-1957)

someone remind me of this over the course of this next week...


I promise to write soon (-ish...)

perhaps its the time of year but I have a few poems that I mangaged to sketch out over the last week or so...

incomplete

head sinking below the waves
wash after wash of time and event
takes a toll on heart and mind.
waiting for such ineveiabilites
that are not to be counted upon
wandering always amoung
unrecalled dreams and lost hopes
waking recollection of ideals
in attempt to find...


~ ~ ~

All fall down beneath
the reaching gloom of
a deepening darkness-

after seeing the light of
wandering joys that
stumble through doorways
to stay for a moment
while brushing off
hope dusted knees...

after hearing the rush of
speaking winds bringing
tales of a life known
in dreams and desires
all the while rifling
through hair and trees...

after feeling the small song of
a little bird in the bush tree
outside the window sill
beyond nodding rose heads
sweet in life held
though unknowingly fleet...

~ ~ ~
and yet...

I fear no foe, with thee at hand to bless;
ills have no weight, and tears not bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if thou abide with me.

I spent a goodly portion of the week-end at the "Last Homely House" helping to set up for our dinner there Sat evening and then Sunday brunch... No time at this House is complete without singing which we did a fair amount of. I discovered that the tenor parts of many of the songs we sing are wonderful, particularly the tenor line of Abide with me (the fourth verse of which is just above for those of you who are not familiar with the hymn). I will be looking back on this week-end, full of rest and beauty, often over the next two weeks...

I began and finished Graham Greene's The End of the Affair earlier this week (actually in all of about two and a little bit days) and have been waiting to write on it... But now find that I am at a loss for words to say anything about it. I have not been moved so much by a book since I read Brideshead Revisited over a year ago. Perhaps the words will come with time (or frustration after the seminar next week...)

This is something of a response to topic of the week... it came to me while in
philosophy class yesterday (I know, I know one ought not to be day dreaming in
class but when the Muse wanders by...)

~ ~ ~
The coffeeshop was one I'd been in and out of all summer it was the perfect
place- the only place- for our symposium on friendship. The late summer night
was mild and the place was expectedly empty. The atmosphere itself was
friendly, open with large couches and not-florescent lights. And yet I sat on
the outter edge of our group, on one of the chairs we'd pulled over in the
process of reconfiguring nearly all of the comfy funiture in the place. I'd so
many questions and thoughts and ponderings, collected, gathered and stored from
over the years - and it was all overwhelmed by a searing unintelligible ache.
"What is friendship?" Ah, the ambition of youthful passion in quest of the
good.
Round and round the question was passed, touching on this and the other, and all
seeming so far away. I watched the discussion form and shape itself into a
reflection of so many internal conversations with myself, only drawn out and
voiced by many characters. Gradually, almost inevitably, the ground shifted to
love and the scene to the coffeeshop steps, the sidewalk, and streetlight. Far
into the night we talked, so serious and earnest in our persuit of the beauty
of company and shared knowledge and ideas. Then, I stood apart and laughed
ironically to myself, perhaps more at myself and all of the others by
extenstion, for trying to grasp and understand the greatest mystery of life.
Now though, I smile at the remembrance and echo of the pain and still hold the
wonder that had brought me to that night inspite of that ache.

I stumbled across this passage as I was stealing a few moments between studies to read this morning. (I think I "stumble across" things far more often than any other way of discovering or noticing them. I will be pondering some problem or other and out of the apparent blue something hits and seems to exactly apply to whatever it was I was pensivating about. My guardian angel has a hand in it I'm sure...)

It runs: "We make our own lives wherever we are, after all... college can only help us do it more easily. They are broad or narrow according to what we put into them, not what we get out. Life is rich and full here... everywhere... if we can only
learn how to open our whole hearts to its richness and fulness."

I've been worrying about finding a summer job and future plans about possibly continuing on to grad school, and what I need to do to make that a real possibility. But I kept forgetting that what it important in life is to live deeply. What or where or how you do that is almost accidental and is important only in regards to whether it is helping or hindering you in achieving that end.